Hello Friends If you are in funny mood and looking for right Facebook Status then your search ends here, you have landed on the right page. You will find here all Funniest Facebook Status, just read the full collection of the funny facebook statuses. Today For you here is a long list of funny facebook status...

1. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others. 
2. I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
3. Random Fact About Me…I’m crazy. I’m funny. I’m cute. I’m brave. I’m cheerful. I’m annoying. I’m just me & I like it like that!
4. Condoms prevent minivans.
5. If you can make a girl laugh – you can make her do anything.
6. If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
7. That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
8. Interesting Factoid: Facebook causes you to overestimate how happy your friends are, and therefore might make you more depressed!
9. Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.
10. LIKE if you had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once.
11. The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
12. Endangered Species: Nice people.
13. The three phases of love: 1. XOXO 2. XXX 3. EX
14. The Miss Universe Pageant is obviously rigged. The winner is always from Earth.
15. Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
16. We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection and dream of perfection.
17. Too many girls want attention, not enough want respect!
18. I always go the extra mile. The restraining order says I have to.
19. May I be excused? My brain is full.
20. LIKE IF you say “never mind” when you don’t feel like repeating yourself.
21. Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
22. I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
23. People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
24. Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
25. Why go to college? There’s Google.
26. As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.
27. Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
28. Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
29. Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
30. So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
31. X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
32. Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
33. You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
34. a day late and a dollar short.
35. Insert coin to view my status message.
36. If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
37. We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
38. happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
39. seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
40. Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
41. remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
42. Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.
43. > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
44. 20/20 hearing!
45. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO! 
46. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
47. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
48. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong
49. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
50. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go
51. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
52. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
53. The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes
54. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
55. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.
56. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
57. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets
58. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years
59. Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?
60. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
61. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments
62. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed
63. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket
64. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
65. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes
66. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.
67. If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?
68. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
69. I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.
70. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
71. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
72. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
73. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it
74. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.
75. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
76. Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
77. You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
78. We live in a  society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
79. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
80. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
81. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
82. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
83. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
84. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
85. Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.
86. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
87. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
88. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
89. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
90. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
91. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
92. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
93. I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
94. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
95. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
96. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
97. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
98. Make yourself at home… clean my kitchen.
99. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
100. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
101. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
102. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
103. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
104. Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
105. The road to success is always under construction.
106. Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
107. Be Happy in front of people who don’t like you; It Kills Them.
108. Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
109. What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce.
110. Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

More Full Apk Apps